I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
