There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
