Do you still have your period?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
