Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
