I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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