Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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