Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
