also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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