i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
