Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize