It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
