Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
