You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You ate ashes out of my bong
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
