i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
