All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
