Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
