I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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