he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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