I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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