My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
