ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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