Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
