After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
