i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
