Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
