just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize