If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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