Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i think i just lost a toe
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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