is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
