whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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