Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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