i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
