Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize