Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize