If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
