hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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