Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
