Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
