People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
