I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
