im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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