True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
