And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
