You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize