I think I died a long time ago.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
as a side note pls kill me
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