Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
