hell yes lets make some ravioli
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
