someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
