Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
