his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize