So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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