I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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