dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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