You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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