This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
