none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
