If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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