I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dick very happy bro
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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