yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
