I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
