last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
