just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this boner is exhausting
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
