the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
