Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
