We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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