i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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