Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
