Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I wish there were birth control emojis
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
