I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When are your genitals available?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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