Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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