I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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