I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
